I'm fat. Now, let's get to the important stuff
I don’t feel fat, but I am. I am finally reaching this revelation now. At 41 I am still pretty healthy and spry, but at 5’1″ and 200 pounds, I know if I don’t make some major changes soon I am going to be like those fat old ladies I see who can barely move and no one wants to have sex with (I am a Scorpio). My spousal equivalent loves me, I know he does, but when I wear a sleeveless top and he gives me that “you have pterodactyl wings going on there and it is NOT attractive AT ALL” look (he is very expressive), I’m not gonna lie, it smarts.
I am a strong, smart, enlightened, independent woman but dammit, I don’t want my man looking at me with not well veiled, albeit unintentional disgust. More than that, I want to be able to keep doing things, fun things. The fatter and less healthy and fit I am, the fewer things I am going to be able to do, and that sucks.
I have wasted way too much time over the last 10 or so years making excuses, not exercising, eating way too much and just being stupid in general. I am a very smart person, but when it comes to being honest with myself about weight, diet, exercise and the like, I can be, well stupid.
In addition to my admission that I am indeed fat, I am also pursuing a doctorate in education. I have taken three classes so far and absolutely love it. I hope to be formally admitted to my program by fall of 2014. This will be an additional stress for me, and I know if I don’t get myself into some new and healthy habits LIKE RIGHT NOW I am not going to be healthy enough to A. complete a dissertation B. enjoy the fruits of my labor C. Get out of this desk chair without assistance..
So, this is my way of putting it all out there. I am creating a Finally Fat…Finally Fit. I will document what I hope to be a long and fruitful journey and not the one that ends with me eating an entire bag of chili lime tortilla chips about a week after coming to one of these epiphanies.
I tend to criticize people for sharing too much on social networking sites, but in this case, I don’t think keeping it private is an option any longer. If I am going to be honest with myself and admit FINALLY that I am fat, then I need to admit it to the world (or at least the 2 people reading this blog. Hi mom!). Now, maybe, just maybe I can start reaching my real goal of becoming FINALLY FIT.